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COMPUTER JOKES


Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN

<-------- The information went data way

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Windows: Just another pain in the glass.

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

All computers wait at the same speed.

DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Press Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

640K ought to be enough for anybody - Bill Gates, 1981.

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Read my chips: No new upgrades!

Hit any user to continue.

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?


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